after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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