addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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