i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
