She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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