I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She announced her abortion via fbk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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