I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
