Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i believe in u and ur pee
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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