i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I party with great urgency now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
