I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
