I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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