i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
