Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
