I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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