When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
