And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
