Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
