K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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