you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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