the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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