____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
