The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
