Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
