Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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