You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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