I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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