ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
