I smell stomach acid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
