Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
