i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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