If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
