i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
