Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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