i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
