went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
