idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
