Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
