IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
