just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Michael Bay diarrhea
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
