When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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