I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
