They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
