I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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