just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
