She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
