Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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