didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
