Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
