i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
