he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
