I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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