I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
