Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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