never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
