I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
