Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
