i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
