its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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