I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
