hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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